...not the priest, that gives us absolution (Oscar Wilde)
I have a confession to make, more than one actually.
My first confession is about my no drinking pop mission that I started and I will be perfectly honest with you all by saying that I drank pop today. It started after my baseball game when I simply had something burst inside my head that ended up fueling a rant that I wrote earlier. On my long walk home, I stopped off at a McDonald's and got a large glass of ice cold Coca-cola. It was what I needed at that moment in time, and in truth I might have dropped my shorts and said screw it to my no masturbation mission as well but sadly there were no extremely hot chicks there to scar for the rest of their lives. So that one is still intact.
My second confession is related to my first one and it has to do with my rant about baseball, because now that I have calmed down and really thought about it, it is not so much about all of what I said. It is and it is not. Everything I said is true to the letter but what upsets me the most is I miss my life in the summer back home. Last summer was the happiest I had been in a very long time, I was working like crazy and making some decent money, I was playing baseball two to three times a week, umping baseball every now and then and actually hanging out with people and enjoying life. I miss the guys I play baseball with back home, I miss going out to play a game with them on Sundays, then just chilling out, shooting the shit, drinking some beers and maybe barbecuing up some food after the games. Sunday ball back home is something I looked forward to since the day after it ends. For me it is perfectly simplistic and I miss it. That was what the rant was really about.
And that leads into my third and final confession of the night. For the first time in my life I am actually homesick. I hated my life growing up, I hated how I always felt about everything, I despised it all. I am not homesick about that, or even about my parents back there. I worked hard to piece myself back together and actually have some semblance of a normal life. Then just when everything was going better than it ever had I gave it all up to come back to school. To come back to Ottawa where I have like two people I know and I maybe will see them once a month, twice if I am lucky. From the beginning of May right until the end of August I barely had any free time, if I was not working, I was most likely playing ball. When I was playing in tournaments on the weekends and had to go into work Saturday morning I woke up crazy early so I could be sure to leave in time to go play ball. There were a few times when I would put in twenty plus hour days just so I could have fun. In comparison, I really have nothing here that even comes close to what I finally had last year. Oh well I guess, this whole emotional roller coaster that I am on today is just all my fault plan and simple.
So much for not letting myself feel any feelings anymore.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
I Rant
...therefore I am. (Dennis Miller)
Deep breath in.
Deep breath out.
Deep breath in.
Deep breath out.
I am very irritated today to put it mildly. So much so that after my baseball game I decided to not take a bus home but to walk the approximately 3.7 kilometers, or for you Americans out there 2.3 miles. It is not that bad of a walk but considering that I could have easily just hoped on a bus and get home a lot sooner I think it says something about the temperament I was and currently still am in and also the fact that I had to carry all my ball gear the entire way too.
So the question is why am I so irked? Well lets take a step back for a moment to before I started playing baseball in Ottawa. I have a buddy who at one point said that I would absolutely for sure be able to play on the team that he plays on when summer came. Guess how that turned out. Yeah it was getting close to summer and I had not heard anything yet when I finally asked him what was up and he said that unfortunately all the spots were filled up. Fine, whatever it was no big deal I was sure I would be able to find something for myself. Now as I started looking for leagues or teams to play on I had to take in consideration the fact that I had to sign up by myself and that I would need to bus myself around to all the diamonds. I finally settled on the Ottawa Sports and Social Club (OSSC). They had individual sign ups and I could easily enough get to the diamonds without insanely long bus rides. Win, win for me... or so I thought.
The organization's slogan is "Recess for Adults... Just Play" and apparently they take that quite literally. The first aspect of what has been bothering me with this whole baseball thing is that the fact that as an individual I had to pay $125 to play in this league (it is a whooping $990 for a team) and we do not even have real bases to use. I do not know about any of you, but back in elementary school and middle school or junior high depending on what term you use for it, we had these cheep plastic mat type bases to use if we wanted to play a game of baseball at recess or during gym class. Those bases are great for schools and for little kids to be using since more than likely they would get ridiculously abused. As adults playing and for the amount of money that I had to pay to play I want real bases, bases that actually come off the ground more than a couple millimeters.
The second thing that just does not seem right to me is that there is no organization at the game site, the teams just show up, place the bases where they think they might go and play. There is no type of officiating so any close calls could easily result in some sort of confrontation, and there has not been one member of the OSSC show up to help organize things at the diamond or just do whatever really. I really just cannot for the life of me wonder how they can get by doing this sort of thing, especially considering that this shit is not cheap and at the games we get like nothing to show for the money we have put in accept the fact that we have a field to play on.
Really is it too much to ask for to see some more worth out of the money it took to play in this league other than a place to play and cheap equipment that we had to put a deposit on before they would give us anything.
Those things bother me, they really do but what bothers me the most is my team. I have been playing baseball now for 18 years. 18. On the site where I signed up, there were two skill levels that were available. Recreational, and intermediate. Not wanting to get stuck with people who have never played baseball before or were extremely awful players I choose to sign up for intermediate. Since I signed up individually, I got put with other players who did the same thing and before we had our first game and before we had met each other we sent out mass emails back and forth for things like team name ideas, who wanted to be captain. Simple things. One person though, was curious as to what kind of experience everybody had when it came to playing baseball. As everybody responded and stating their credentials, I was impressed that people had been playing for ten, fifteen plus years. I was genuinely impressed at the time, thinking that this should be a pretty good team. Again I bet you can guess where this is going...
*sigh*
I should have not been so foolish as to think that many years of experience translates evenly into a person's actual level of skill. My bad.
I am not saying that I am some sort of all-star player, I am by no means close to that. However, the level of skill I have seen from my fellow teammates is dismal at best. When I signed up I was wanting to avoid this very level of hell really. Now to be fair, not everybody on the team is lacking the skill I would have come to expect from people who have been playing for so long but in a game of 3-pitch, where not only are the pitches a nice slow easy to hit underhand pitch but you get to pitch to your own team too and yet all anybody seems to be able to do is hit ground balls right at a player. It is pathetic! It is not all that bad considering that when I pitch I actually seem to be able to pitch well enough for people be able to hit the ball and we have been able to get consecutive decent hits and runners on the bases. Alas, I do not always get to pitch so everybody else who tries cannot seem to be able to grasp the simple concept of throwing a ball underhand into a specific zone across the plate. No, that would be too easy. Instead we get pitches that are too high, that land short of the plate or are either too inside, or too outside. It is not hard to pitch a good pitch, seriously.
If it was only just the whole pitching and hitting thing, I might be less likely to feel how I currently feel and that is in a fit of rage and fury and the overwhelming urge to hit something very very hard... hard enough to break my hand or repeatedly enough to leave my hand bloodied.
Today during my game, I was playing short stop and there was a simple, routine infield pop fly. It was right to the guy playing second base, he did not even have to move an inch for it and yet his glove was shaking all over the place, his knees were wobbling like he was going to fall over and in everybody's amazement (including his own) he caught the ball. Before I was even able to fully grasp how dumbfounded I was at seeing that he made a comment that that was the first pop fly he had ever caught. I wanted to cry after he said that. I just really do not understand how somebody who has been playing baseball for a reasonable portion of their life has never caught a pop fly before and furthermore how does somebody who has never caught a pop fly before feel like he is good enough to play in league that is supposed to be full with people who have some actual skill and not just dumb luck. That is all his catch was, was dumb luck, the guy closed his eyes!
Picture me yelling profanity at the top of my lungs while ripping my hair out and then taking a gun to blow my brains out, that is how I felt at the moment.
I could go on and on and on about how terribly pathetic this team is, and how nobody knows how or what they are doing while playing but I am not going to because the more I think about it the more I get angry, the more my rage builds up and honestly it does want to make me not only beat the pulp out of something but also cry too. It is just so unbelievably sad and I have just under three more months of this left.
A little extra tidbit of information for you folks, when I was writing this there was a considerable amount of profanity and swearing going on inside of my head but I felt like if I would have added it all my rant would have just been a bunch of non-coherent gibberish.
Deep breath in.
Deep breath out.
Deep breath in.
Deep breath out.
I am very irritated today to put it mildly. So much so that after my baseball game I decided to not take a bus home but to walk the approximately 3.7 kilometers, or for you Americans out there 2.3 miles. It is not that bad of a walk but considering that I could have easily just hoped on a bus and get home a lot sooner I think it says something about the temperament I was and currently still am in and also the fact that I had to carry all my ball gear the entire way too.
So the question is why am I so irked? Well lets take a step back for a moment to before I started playing baseball in Ottawa. I have a buddy who at one point said that I would absolutely for sure be able to play on the team that he plays on when summer came. Guess how that turned out. Yeah it was getting close to summer and I had not heard anything yet when I finally asked him what was up and he said that unfortunately all the spots were filled up. Fine, whatever it was no big deal I was sure I would be able to find something for myself. Now as I started looking for leagues or teams to play on I had to take in consideration the fact that I had to sign up by myself and that I would need to bus myself around to all the diamonds. I finally settled on the Ottawa Sports and Social Club (OSSC). They had individual sign ups and I could easily enough get to the diamonds without insanely long bus rides. Win, win for me... or so I thought.
The organization's slogan is "Recess for Adults... Just Play" and apparently they take that quite literally. The first aspect of what has been bothering me with this whole baseball thing is that the fact that as an individual I had to pay $125 to play in this league (it is a whooping $990 for a team) and we do not even have real bases to use. I do not know about any of you, but back in elementary school and middle school or junior high depending on what term you use for it, we had these cheep plastic mat type bases to use if we wanted to play a game of baseball at recess or during gym class. Those bases are great for schools and for little kids to be using since more than likely they would get ridiculously abused. As adults playing and for the amount of money that I had to pay to play I want real bases, bases that actually come off the ground more than a couple millimeters.
The second thing that just does not seem right to me is that there is no organization at the game site, the teams just show up, place the bases where they think they might go and play. There is no type of officiating so any close calls could easily result in some sort of confrontation, and there has not been one member of the OSSC show up to help organize things at the diamond or just do whatever really. I really just cannot for the life of me wonder how they can get by doing this sort of thing, especially considering that this shit is not cheap and at the games we get like nothing to show for the money we have put in accept the fact that we have a field to play on.
Really is it too much to ask for to see some more worth out of the money it took to play in this league other than a place to play and cheap equipment that we had to put a deposit on before they would give us anything.
Those things bother me, they really do but what bothers me the most is my team. I have been playing baseball now for 18 years. 18. On the site where I signed up, there were two skill levels that were available. Recreational, and intermediate. Not wanting to get stuck with people who have never played baseball before or were extremely awful players I choose to sign up for intermediate. Since I signed up individually, I got put with other players who did the same thing and before we had our first game and before we had met each other we sent out mass emails back and forth for things like team name ideas, who wanted to be captain. Simple things. One person though, was curious as to what kind of experience everybody had when it came to playing baseball. As everybody responded and stating their credentials, I was impressed that people had been playing for ten, fifteen plus years. I was genuinely impressed at the time, thinking that this should be a pretty good team. Again I bet you can guess where this is going...
*sigh*
I should have not been so foolish as to think that many years of experience translates evenly into a person's actual level of skill. My bad.
I am not saying that I am some sort of all-star player, I am by no means close to that. However, the level of skill I have seen from my fellow teammates is dismal at best. When I signed up I was wanting to avoid this very level of hell really. Now to be fair, not everybody on the team is lacking the skill I would have come to expect from people who have been playing for so long but in a game of 3-pitch, where not only are the pitches a nice slow easy to hit underhand pitch but you get to pitch to your own team too and yet all anybody seems to be able to do is hit ground balls right at a player. It is pathetic! It is not all that bad considering that when I pitch I actually seem to be able to pitch well enough for people be able to hit the ball and we have been able to get consecutive decent hits and runners on the bases. Alas, I do not always get to pitch so everybody else who tries cannot seem to be able to grasp the simple concept of throwing a ball underhand into a specific zone across the plate. No, that would be too easy. Instead we get pitches that are too high, that land short of the plate or are either too inside, or too outside. It is not hard to pitch a good pitch, seriously.
If it was only just the whole pitching and hitting thing, I might be less likely to feel how I currently feel and that is in a fit of rage and fury and the overwhelming urge to hit something very very hard... hard enough to break my hand or repeatedly enough to leave my hand bloodied.
Today during my game, I was playing short stop and there was a simple, routine infield pop fly. It was right to the guy playing second base, he did not even have to move an inch for it and yet his glove was shaking all over the place, his knees were wobbling like he was going to fall over and in everybody's amazement (including his own) he caught the ball. Before I was even able to fully grasp how dumbfounded I was at seeing that he made a comment that that was the first pop fly he had ever caught. I wanted to cry after he said that. I just really do not understand how somebody who has been playing baseball for a reasonable portion of their life has never caught a pop fly before and furthermore how does somebody who has never caught a pop fly before feel like he is good enough to play in league that is supposed to be full with people who have some actual skill and not just dumb luck. That is all his catch was, was dumb luck, the guy closed his eyes!
Picture me yelling profanity at the top of my lungs while ripping my hair out and then taking a gun to blow my brains out, that is how I felt at the moment.
I could go on and on and on about how terribly pathetic this team is, and how nobody knows how or what they are doing while playing but I am not going to because the more I think about it the more I get angry, the more my rage builds up and honestly it does want to make me not only beat the pulp out of something but also cry too. It is just so unbelievably sad and I have just under three more months of this left.
A little extra tidbit of information for you folks, when I was writing this there was a considerable amount of profanity and swearing going on inside of my head but I felt like if I would have added it all my rant would have just been a bunch of non-coherent gibberish.
Control Is Never Achieved
...when sought after directly. It is the surprising outcome of letting go. (James Arthur Ray)
I came across this little blog awhile ago (click here to see it) and since I read it, it has been stuck in my head. Now if you read the story, and you may want to read the story, it is quite provocative and very enticing. That is not why I am stuck on it though, it just seems to me that the actions would not progress the way that they she has told. So I propose my own little what if scenario for the talented writer to consider.
What if I was there right now?
What if I was leading you on and making you believe that you were going to take from me what you wanted?
What if you learned the truth?
The truth that you were not the one that was in control.
__She got down on her knees no kiss, no encouragement, just pure desire and curiosity. She was too caught up in what she was after to realize that I had other plans for her but I was willing to play along for a moment or two. Her hands hands running up his legs, slowly making her way up to her goal. The zipper between her fingers she pulls down on it as she looks up at him. This is my moment he thought and with no more warning then a slight smile and a shake of the head, in one fluid like motion he picked her up off the ground and slammed her back hard up against the wall. His eyes were locked onto hers, looking down at her, no words were being said, just an intense stare of desire between them that seemed to be for an eternity but was only a few seconds before he moved his leg between hers. Pressing his knee up firmly into that magical area of her body that would soon be his for the taking. Keeping her pressed against the wall, he started to lift his knee up higher and higher until they were eye to eye. A slow lick of his lips before he moved in closer, but not to kiss her, to tease her a little. Moving his lips lightly over hers then up her cheek towards her ear. Breathing slightly into her ear before whispering, "You're not in control, you never were." Moving his head away slowly, he gives her a sly smile before grabbing her tightly enough by her waist to leave marks. He now takes his knee away from supporting her and she is now completely at his mercy for him to do whatever he pleases.
I think I will be stopping this here, it's not quite as detailed or graphic as hers was but I think it is well enough and I hope that she will let me know what she thinks about my take on her little passion project.
And who knows maybe I will continue it someday on my own.
Today I am in a fit of rage. Everything from my baseball team to my computer has just buried itself inside of me and poisoning my usual calm and cool demeanor. Couple that with my sexual frustrations of last night and we get a continuation of my little story here.
There he is, holding her firmly and still up off the ground with his bare hands. She is helpless in this position, only able to wait until he makes his next move. He looks into her eyes as his grip around her waist tightens, his fingertips pressing deeply into her skin that the little bit of fingernails he has start to pierce her flesh. Her skin starts to sting slight as sweat gets into the little tiny marks. He lets her down slowly, sliding his hands down and out from underneath her shirt where he then grabs the bottom hem and lifts it up and over her, tossing it across the room. Looking down at her he plays with the straps on her bra, snapping them against her pale skin, he is enjoying inflicting little bits of pain on her and knowing that there is a lot more to come. He softly caressing her skin with his fingers as he traces line on her exposed skin, slowly and carefully moving downward towards her jeans. Popping off the button and undoing the zipper, he slides the jeans off of her legs and throws them with her shirt. Taking a moment to check out his prize, there she is standing there in nothing but her bra and panties. He smiles softly and picks her up once more carrying her towards the bed and throwing her violently onto it. Grabbing one of the knives she always keeps close to her bed, he slides it underneath the straps of her bra and cuts right through. He does this enough times so that there is nothing holding it there anymore and then lightly glides the blade down over her skin, just enough so that she can feel the blade but without leaving any cuts until with a quick little flick one little cut here, and another one there. Upon reaching her panties, he makes a couple quick cuts and rips them off of her, leaving her completely exposed. Again he starts tracing lines onto her skin with the knife, occasionally giving her little cuts until he brings the knife down between her legs. Switching his grip so that now he is holding the blade, he slides the pommel all the way inside of her until all that is left is nothing but the blade sticking out. Leaving the blade there for safe keeping, he moves her around on the bed so that she is on her back and her head is hanging over the edge. As he begins to take off his pants he says to her, "you finally get the taste that you always wanted." Now standing in front of her completely naked, with his cock swelling in his hands, he places the head of it on her lips and pushing it inside of her mouth. Rocking his hips gently back and forth working all the way to the back of her throat and as she begins to swallows it, he goes even deeper. Holding her by her shoulders, so that she is not able to move, he starts rocking his hips back and forth a little more aggressively and begins to put her mouth to some really good use.
Well I think that is enough for now but I will definitely have to get back to this at some point.
I came across this little blog awhile ago (click here to see it) and since I read it, it has been stuck in my head. Now if you read the story, and you may want to read the story, it is quite provocative and very enticing. That is not why I am stuck on it though, it just seems to me that the actions would not progress the way that they she has told. So I propose my own little what if scenario for the talented writer to consider.
What if I was there right now?
What if I was leading you on and making you believe that you were going to take from me what you wanted?
What if you learned the truth?
The truth that you were not the one that was in control.
__She got down on her knees no kiss, no encouragement, just pure desire and curiosity. She was too caught up in what she was after to realize that I had other plans for her but I was willing to play along for a moment or two. Her hands hands running up his legs, slowly making her way up to her goal. The zipper between her fingers she pulls down on it as she looks up at him. This is my moment he thought and with no more warning then a slight smile and a shake of the head, in one fluid like motion he picked her up off the ground and slammed her back hard up against the wall. His eyes were locked onto hers, looking down at her, no words were being said, just an intense stare of desire between them that seemed to be for an eternity but was only a few seconds before he moved his leg between hers. Pressing his knee up firmly into that magical area of her body that would soon be his for the taking. Keeping her pressed against the wall, he started to lift his knee up higher and higher until they were eye to eye. A slow lick of his lips before he moved in closer, but not to kiss her, to tease her a little. Moving his lips lightly over hers then up her cheek towards her ear. Breathing slightly into her ear before whispering, "You're not in control, you never were." Moving his head away slowly, he gives her a sly smile before grabbing her tightly enough by her waist to leave marks. He now takes his knee away from supporting her and she is now completely at his mercy for him to do whatever he pleases.
I think I will be stopping this here, it's not quite as detailed or graphic as hers was but I think it is well enough and I hope that she will let me know what she thinks about my take on her little passion project.
And who knows maybe I will continue it someday on my own.
Today I am in a fit of rage. Everything from my baseball team to my computer has just buried itself inside of me and poisoning my usual calm and cool demeanor. Couple that with my sexual frustrations of last night and we get a continuation of my little story here.
There he is, holding her firmly and still up off the ground with his bare hands. She is helpless in this position, only able to wait until he makes his next move. He looks into her eyes as his grip around her waist tightens, his fingertips pressing deeply into her skin that the little bit of fingernails he has start to pierce her flesh. Her skin starts to sting slight as sweat gets into the little tiny marks. He lets her down slowly, sliding his hands down and out from underneath her shirt where he then grabs the bottom hem and lifts it up and over her, tossing it across the room. Looking down at her he plays with the straps on her bra, snapping them against her pale skin, he is enjoying inflicting little bits of pain on her and knowing that there is a lot more to come. He softly caressing her skin with his fingers as he traces line on her exposed skin, slowly and carefully moving downward towards her jeans. Popping off the button and undoing the zipper, he slides the jeans off of her legs and throws them with her shirt. Taking a moment to check out his prize, there she is standing there in nothing but her bra and panties. He smiles softly and picks her up once more carrying her towards the bed and throwing her violently onto it. Grabbing one of the knives she always keeps close to her bed, he slides it underneath the straps of her bra and cuts right through. He does this enough times so that there is nothing holding it there anymore and then lightly glides the blade down over her skin, just enough so that she can feel the blade but without leaving any cuts until with a quick little flick one little cut here, and another one there. Upon reaching her panties, he makes a couple quick cuts and rips them off of her, leaving her completely exposed. Again he starts tracing lines onto her skin with the knife, occasionally giving her little cuts until he brings the knife down between her legs. Switching his grip so that now he is holding the blade, he slides the pommel all the way inside of her until all that is left is nothing but the blade sticking out. Leaving the blade there for safe keeping, he moves her around on the bed so that she is on her back and her head is hanging over the edge. As he begins to take off his pants he says to her, "you finally get the taste that you always wanted." Now standing in front of her completely naked, with his cock swelling in his hands, he places the head of it on her lips and pushing it inside of her mouth. Rocking his hips gently back and forth working all the way to the back of her throat and as she begins to swallows it, he goes even deeper. Holding her by her shoulders, so that she is not able to move, he starts rocking his hips back and forth a little more aggressively and begins to put her mouth to some really good use.
Well I think that is enough for now but I will definitely have to get back to this at some point.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
No Fucking Quote On This One.
This is the extent of my night. A girl who I slept with once has started to host poker nights about every month or so and invites me because well I like poker. Now her and I have some history due to the fact that we slept together once and I flat out ignored and avoided her for at least six months and in that process apparently broke her heart as she actually had real feelings for me, which I only just learned about. Regardless, another person who ended up showing up tonight was this co-worker of the girl I slept with, and her name was Haley. Now Haley did not just display a bit of cleavage, she put it out there for the world to see and I was sitting beside her and how things were set up was partially in the path of me view of the hockey game on the tv. So while I was looking at said hockey game I had ample opportunity to take in the wonderment of her bosoms. Awhile after we finished playing poker we get into talking about sex and sharing stories, which did not really help me at all seeing as not only have I gone without masturbating for over a week now, but also being caught up on checking out Haley over the course of the night. Needless to say I was a bit turned on. At one point I realized that I was never going to catch the last bus of the night that I needed to catch in order to get home. Haley however offered to give me a ride since she lived in my general area. I graciously accepted the offer and let my imagination run wild for a bit about what could happen. But then, it happened. About 10 minutes after the offer to give me a ride was put out there she brings up the fact that she has a boyfriend. I was just all fucking fuck fuck fuck! I was quite worked up at this point and was none to pleased to hear about that.
So as I sit here now typing this out I cannot help but feel that I have a slight case of the blue balls, mostly done to myself with letting my imagination getting out of hand with the nights events but it has happened. I have also realized that life is a cruel fucking bitch.
Please excuse the profanity.
So as I sit here now typing this out I cannot help but feel that I have a slight case of the blue balls, mostly done to myself with letting my imagination getting out of hand with the nights events but it has happened. I have also realized that life is a cruel fucking bitch.
Please excuse the profanity.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Vices Are Often Habits
...rather than passions. (Antoine Rivarol)
This will be a quick and simple post that will address two things, a list of topics for future posts, and me challenging myself. Both of which will occur over a long period of time so this post will be updated periodically, so do not fret if you continue to see this over and over.
(Started May 26 2:14AM EDT - Last Update: June 1 9:41PM EDT)
The first being my lovely and new friend who offered up suggestion for a series of posts that I did last night (click here to see it) was gracious enough to offer up some more suggestions. Now as I finish this list off I will insert a link each suggestion with its corresponding page. Now here is her list.
I have so far done two off the list below, please feel free to click on the links below and enjoy.
-list ten noteworthy(to you) events that have transpired in the last 24 hours <<< link
-list 25 things you believe are good for the soul
-when all is said and done will you have said more then you have done
-what is the difference between living and existing <<< link
-whats the hardest thing you have ever had to tell someone
-what is worth dying for
-what brings out the best and worst in you
-what do you wish you didn't know
-what are ten facts about you that no one knows
-what are the three most powerful words in the English language..explain
-what makes you feel naked?
-whats a belief that you hold that most people disagree with
Secondly, as of this moment I am going to swear off two things for however long of a period of time as I can. The first one will be no more pop, or as some of you may call it soda. I drink a substantial amount of it and I really need to cut back, so here is to my success at that. The other thing I am going to give up may sound a little crazy to some, but that is I am going to stop masturbating for awhile. I have no real reason as to why, I just feel like I should. I do masturbate quite a bit, I am a single guy after all who has not gotten anything in quite awhile.
Days Without Pop: 7
Days Without Masturbation: 7
Wish me luck.
(June 2)
Well it has been a whole week now without either pop and without masturbating and well it has not been easy but I am nonetheless enduring the hardships that I have set out for myself. I am tempted though to use a loophole in the pop situation though. In essence I quit drinking pop because I was drinking a lot of it, but most because it was the only source of caffeine that I had. Being that I was only getting caffeine from pop I was drinking a lot of it to satisfy my body's craving for it, hence wanting to quit. There are however caffeine free pop flavours out there though, such as root beer, and 7up. I could exploit this and I may yet but for now I am not.
(September 16)
Took me awhile to get back to this but here I am with an update. I am proud to announce that I am caffeine free and even though there are moments where I want to gobble some up I have stayed strong and resisted the urges. I am however still drinking non-caffeinated pop, it is just too hard to completely resist but I am trying to drink it sparingly. Unfortunately with vice number two, the with-holding from did not last all that long but at least I was able to cut back from the number of times I did it, which is at least a positive.
This will be a quick and simple post that will address two things, a list of topics for future posts, and me challenging myself. Both of which will occur over a long period of time so this post will be updated periodically, so do not fret if you continue to see this over and over.
(Started May 26 2:14AM EDT - Last Update: June 1 9:41PM EDT)
The first being my lovely and new friend who offered up suggestion for a series of posts that I did last night (click here to see it) was gracious enough to offer up some more suggestions. Now as I finish this list off I will insert a link each suggestion with its corresponding page. Now here is her list.
I have so far done two off the list below, please feel free to click on the links below and enjoy.
-list ten noteworthy(to you) events that have transpired in the last 24 hours <<< link
-list 25 things you believe are good for the soul
-when all is said and done will you have said more then you have done
-what is the difference between living and existing <<< link
-whats the hardest thing you have ever had to tell someone
-what is worth dying for
-what brings out the best and worst in you
-what do you wish you didn't know
-what are ten facts about you that no one knows
-what are the three most powerful words in the English language..explain
-what makes you feel naked?
-whats a belief that you hold that most people disagree with
Secondly, as of this moment I am going to swear off two things for however long of a period of time as I can. The first one will be no more pop, or as some of you may call it soda. I drink a substantial amount of it and I really need to cut back, so here is to my success at that. The other thing I am going to give up may sound a little crazy to some, but that is I am going to stop masturbating for awhile. I have no real reason as to why, I just feel like I should. I do masturbate quite a bit, I am a single guy after all who has not gotten anything in quite awhile.
Days Without Pop: 7
Days Without Masturbation: 7
Wish me luck.
(June 2)
Well it has been a whole week now without either pop and without masturbating and well it has not been easy but I am nonetheless enduring the hardships that I have set out for myself. I am tempted though to use a loophole in the pop situation though. In essence I quit drinking pop because I was drinking a lot of it, but most because it was the only source of caffeine that I had. Being that I was only getting caffeine from pop I was drinking a lot of it to satisfy my body's craving for it, hence wanting to quit. There are however caffeine free pop flavours out there though, such as root beer, and 7up. I could exploit this and I may yet but for now I am not.
(September 16)
Took me awhile to get back to this but here I am with an update. I am proud to announce that I am caffeine free and even though there are moments where I want to gobble some up I have stayed strong and resisted the urges. I am however still drinking non-caffeinated pop, it is just too hard to completely resist but I am trying to drink it sparingly. Unfortunately with vice number two, the with-holding from did not last all that long but at least I was able to cut back from the number of times I did it, which is at least a positive.
The Best Thing About The Future
...is that it comes one day at a time. (Abraham Lincoln)
This is not going to be so much about a list of noteworthy events but a re-telling of the past twenty-four hours.
My day started when my alarm clock went off at eight o'clock in the morning, ok well really it did not start then because lets face it I stayed in bed for another hour before finally getting my butt up and out. At which point I then proceeded to hop from my bed to my computer to check messages, emails, facebook, you know the usual things. I ended up having a brief conversation with somebody while on there but interrupted it because I was in desperate need of a shower. Like it was so hot in my room I was pretty much sweating throughout the night in need of a shower. Yeah disgusting. Regardless I had my shower which was absolutely amazing. After my shower, I sat back down on my computer and continued my conversation with my friend for awhile longer.
Eventually I said my goodbye, put on some clothes and proceeded to head out into the world, to none other than get my monthly bus pass. Except I was having a bit of an off day and I attempted to leave three times before managing to remember everything that I would actually need on my trek across the city. On my way to catch a bus I stopped off at a bank and finally deposited my income tax refund. Only took me about a month to get around to do that. Oh by the way I love girls in tank tops, very nice and being tall gives the advantage of a higher viewing angle to make me being a sick pervert all the more better.
After the bank I headed over to the transit way to catch a bus and head my way over to St. Laurent Shopping Centre. Why St. Laurent you ask? Well it is because the lines for to get bus passes/tickets is a lot shorter than lets say the Rideau Centre. Upon receiving my bus pass I hoped back on a bus and headed on towards home, before I actually went back home though I stopped off at Walmart to pick up a few things. One thing I decided to do there was get my hair cut. Maybe not the best idea, but I did it nonetheless. Now I had a little lady who for religious reasons covers her own hair out in public, and here she is routinely cutting and styling people's hair. I found this to be an odd thing. Anyway I got my hair cut and went in search mode for a white curtain that I could use to help reflect some of the light and hopefully heat from coming into my bedroom window. Unfortunately they just did not have what I was really looking for and so I was disappointed. I did go and pick up some stuff to clean up my keyboard, it is fun stuff that's all gooey and squishes in to get around all the keys and clean everything out. I also picked up some pills, some candy and some non caffeinated liquid refreshments for myself.
Can I also mention that sundresses are hot? Really? I can? Good! Because they are so unbelievably hot, well except on fat people who should never be allowed out to play. I am a cruel person.
I walked on home with my bag of goodies only to find upon my getting there was that my roommates dog left a pile of shit on one of the steps. I was tempted to just leave it there for my roommate to have to clean up but it was very hot, humid and sticky and that caused there to be a bit of a smell. So I grudgingly cleaned it up, sprayed the spot with a ton of odour remover. After telling the dog that it was bad over and over I decided it was time to pull out some steak and get it marinating for my dinner the next day. And yes I made sure to wash my hands beforehand to make sure I did not get any fecal matter on them. I went rummaging through the fridge and started dumping a slew of things into a container, adding various herbs and spices along the way and slathered my steaks with the concoction. Wrapped them up and stuck them back in the fridge for everything to soak in thoroughly.
After I got done with that I was out of the house again! Busy, busy, busy. I was starving at this point and only had one craving on my mind to satisfy me and that craving was Subway. Mmm, mmm, mmm. So I walked over to the nearest Subway and ordered myself a foot long spicy italian, on honey oat, with double swiss cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, green peppers, onions, cucumbers, hot peppers, mustard and hot sauce. Normally I do not get it with any cucumbers but I thought I would mix it up a little, because I am totally a rebel like that. Anyway I brought my submarine sandwich back home where I quickly devoured half of it in what seemed like no time flat. I set the other half aside because I knew I would need it later at some point and mellowed out for awhile watching the latest episode of A Game of Thrones online. Great show. Then after that show, I ended up watching the latest episode of American Chopper - Senior versus Junior. I used to be a huge fan of watching them build the bikes and amazed at some of the stuff that they came up with, but with anybody who started out watching for the bikes you became engulfed by the family struggle that those two had and now that they have split, going there separate ways it is hard to not want to see them reconcile. So I watch the show, not just admiring the creative processes but hoping for them recapture apart of their father-son relationship.
Interspersed amongst all of that I had been messaging back in forth with a couple people, one an older friend who I was giving a hard time because she was cheating at her Harry Potter marathon. Skipping movies, seriously. Cheating. The other was a relatively new friend who is quite awesome, most of the time (laugh out loud). She is cool though. Before long though I had to get myself ready and venture back out unto this world of ours. I filled up my water bottle, grabbed a small towel, and a zip up hoodie, tossing them all into my backpack to take along with me. I grabbed a bunch of things off of my desk, shoving them into my wallet and off I went. Only to realize after about three quarters of the way to where I needed to catch a bus that I had forgot to grab my backpack and also some gum. Silly me. I stopped back in at Walmart, grabbed a bottle of water and some gum and was on my way to meet up with a couple people from my volleyball team at a pub. Our team captain, Y.K., had set a tentative time of meeting up at six o'clock and I am lucky I did not aim for that time. I showed up about 6:30pm and found no one else there. After some idle chit chat with the one waitress who asked me if I was at the right place, seeing as there were a total of three similar places along the street. I assured her that I was at the right one and sat down at a table to wait it out for awhile. Thankfully, it was only a few minutes later that Susannah showed looking quite nice since she just came right over from work. We talked a bit and ordered a drink before our fearless captain finally showed up. It ended up only being the three of us but that was a lot better than me just being there by myself.
We finished our drinks and headed on over to where we play volleyball and practiced a little while more team members showed up for our game and we set off to kick some ass. Though unbeknownst to use the other team had a bit of a secret weapon in the form of a very tall, pale and relatively skinny guy in a wife beater and an old school pair of short shorts. The idea was to distract us, but luckily for us there was one girl on the other team who was more distracted then any one else and well I picked on her as much as I could with the ball. We had quite the decisive victory over them the first match, switched sides and fell apart a little bit. There secret weapon was also fairly good and for a moment some of our players were having a hard time getting the ball over the net without putting it within his reach. We fought back a bit but without any luck and lost the second match. The third match swung things back into our favour. With some skill and luck we had for the first time won the match and the game overall with two sets to one. We played around a bit after since we still had time remaining and then went and had a drink together. We talked some more getting to know each other better since none of us had really done that yet as a complete team and it was quite enjoyable.
After awhile, we decided that it was time to call it a night and headed our separate ways. After walking to the O-train, hopping on that and then a bus to home it was about 11:00pm when I finally got home. I had sat down at my computer for a bit and decided I should send an email to Susannah, who asked if I wanted to play tennis with sometime during the night and just wanted to confirm that whenever she wanted to get together and play I would be up for it and or even if she wanted to work on her volleyball skills I would be happy to help. So with that done I crawled into bed and messaged with Shannon again until I rudely fell asleep on her without saying anything to her. My sleep did not last that long though. I am not sure when I fell asleep exactly but I woke up at like 4am and just could not fall back asleep. The entire time I was tossing and turning and trying to fall back asleep all I could smell was the other half of my sub that I had set aside. It drove me nuts and sure enough I gave in and ate the rest of it and boy was it ever tasty.
I then started to write this and that is roughly my past twenty-four hours.
This is not going to be so much about a list of noteworthy events but a re-telling of the past twenty-four hours.
My day started when my alarm clock went off at eight o'clock in the morning, ok well really it did not start then because lets face it I stayed in bed for another hour before finally getting my butt up and out. At which point I then proceeded to hop from my bed to my computer to check messages, emails, facebook, you know the usual things. I ended up having a brief conversation with somebody while on there but interrupted it because I was in desperate need of a shower. Like it was so hot in my room I was pretty much sweating throughout the night in need of a shower. Yeah disgusting. Regardless I had my shower which was absolutely amazing. After my shower, I sat back down on my computer and continued my conversation with my friend for awhile longer.
Eventually I said my goodbye, put on some clothes and proceeded to head out into the world, to none other than get my monthly bus pass. Except I was having a bit of an off day and I attempted to leave three times before managing to remember everything that I would actually need on my trek across the city. On my way to catch a bus I stopped off at a bank and finally deposited my income tax refund. Only took me about a month to get around to do that. Oh by the way I love girls in tank tops, very nice and being tall gives the advantage of a higher viewing angle to make me being a sick pervert all the more better.
After the bank I headed over to the transit way to catch a bus and head my way over to St. Laurent Shopping Centre. Why St. Laurent you ask? Well it is because the lines for to get bus passes/tickets is a lot shorter than lets say the Rideau Centre. Upon receiving my bus pass I hoped back on a bus and headed on towards home, before I actually went back home though I stopped off at Walmart to pick up a few things. One thing I decided to do there was get my hair cut. Maybe not the best idea, but I did it nonetheless. Now I had a little lady who for religious reasons covers her own hair out in public, and here she is routinely cutting and styling people's hair. I found this to be an odd thing. Anyway I got my hair cut and went in search mode for a white curtain that I could use to help reflect some of the light and hopefully heat from coming into my bedroom window. Unfortunately they just did not have what I was really looking for and so I was disappointed. I did go and pick up some stuff to clean up my keyboard, it is fun stuff that's all gooey and squishes in to get around all the keys and clean everything out. I also picked up some pills, some candy and some non caffeinated liquid refreshments for myself.
Can I also mention that sundresses are hot? Really? I can? Good! Because they are so unbelievably hot, well except on fat people who should never be allowed out to play. I am a cruel person.
I walked on home with my bag of goodies only to find upon my getting there was that my roommates dog left a pile of shit on one of the steps. I was tempted to just leave it there for my roommate to have to clean up but it was very hot, humid and sticky and that caused there to be a bit of a smell. So I grudgingly cleaned it up, sprayed the spot with a ton of odour remover. After telling the dog that it was bad over and over I decided it was time to pull out some steak and get it marinating for my dinner the next day. And yes I made sure to wash my hands beforehand to make sure I did not get any fecal matter on them. I went rummaging through the fridge and started dumping a slew of things into a container, adding various herbs and spices along the way and slathered my steaks with the concoction. Wrapped them up and stuck them back in the fridge for everything to soak in thoroughly.
After I got done with that I was out of the house again! Busy, busy, busy. I was starving at this point and only had one craving on my mind to satisfy me and that craving was Subway. Mmm, mmm, mmm. So I walked over to the nearest Subway and ordered myself a foot long spicy italian, on honey oat, with double swiss cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, green peppers, onions, cucumbers, hot peppers, mustard and hot sauce. Normally I do not get it with any cucumbers but I thought I would mix it up a little, because I am totally a rebel like that. Anyway I brought my submarine sandwich back home where I quickly devoured half of it in what seemed like no time flat. I set the other half aside because I knew I would need it later at some point and mellowed out for awhile watching the latest episode of A Game of Thrones online. Great show. Then after that show, I ended up watching the latest episode of American Chopper - Senior versus Junior. I used to be a huge fan of watching them build the bikes and amazed at some of the stuff that they came up with, but with anybody who started out watching for the bikes you became engulfed by the family struggle that those two had and now that they have split, going there separate ways it is hard to not want to see them reconcile. So I watch the show, not just admiring the creative processes but hoping for them recapture apart of their father-son relationship.
Interspersed amongst all of that I had been messaging back in forth with a couple people, one an older friend who I was giving a hard time because she was cheating at her Harry Potter marathon. Skipping movies, seriously. Cheating. The other was a relatively new friend who is quite awesome, most of the time (laugh out loud). She is cool though. Before long though I had to get myself ready and venture back out unto this world of ours. I filled up my water bottle, grabbed a small towel, and a zip up hoodie, tossing them all into my backpack to take along with me. I grabbed a bunch of things off of my desk, shoving them into my wallet and off I went. Only to realize after about three quarters of the way to where I needed to catch a bus that I had forgot to grab my backpack and also some gum. Silly me. I stopped back in at Walmart, grabbed a bottle of water and some gum and was on my way to meet up with a couple people from my volleyball team at a pub. Our team captain, Y.K., had set a tentative time of meeting up at six o'clock and I am lucky I did not aim for that time. I showed up about 6:30pm and found no one else there. After some idle chit chat with the one waitress who asked me if I was at the right place, seeing as there were a total of three similar places along the street. I assured her that I was at the right one and sat down at a table to wait it out for awhile. Thankfully, it was only a few minutes later that Susannah showed looking quite nice since she just came right over from work. We talked a bit and ordered a drink before our fearless captain finally showed up. It ended up only being the three of us but that was a lot better than me just being there by myself.
We finished our drinks and headed on over to where we play volleyball and practiced a little while more team members showed up for our game and we set off to kick some ass. Though unbeknownst to use the other team had a bit of a secret weapon in the form of a very tall, pale and relatively skinny guy in a wife beater and an old school pair of short shorts. The idea was to distract us, but luckily for us there was one girl on the other team who was more distracted then any one else and well I picked on her as much as I could with the ball. We had quite the decisive victory over them the first match, switched sides and fell apart a little bit. There secret weapon was also fairly good and for a moment some of our players were having a hard time getting the ball over the net without putting it within his reach. We fought back a bit but without any luck and lost the second match. The third match swung things back into our favour. With some skill and luck we had for the first time won the match and the game overall with two sets to one. We played around a bit after since we still had time remaining and then went and had a drink together. We talked some more getting to know each other better since none of us had really done that yet as a complete team and it was quite enjoyable.
After awhile, we decided that it was time to call it a night and headed our separate ways. After walking to the O-train, hopping on that and then a bus to home it was about 11:00pm when I finally got home. I had sat down at my computer for a bit and decided I should send an email to Susannah, who asked if I wanted to play tennis with sometime during the night and just wanted to confirm that whenever she wanted to get together and play I would be up for it and or even if she wanted to work on her volleyball skills I would be happy to help. So with that done I crawled into bed and messaged with Shannon again until I rudely fell asleep on her without saying anything to her. My sleep did not last that long though. I am not sure when I fell asleep exactly but I woke up at like 4am and just could not fall back asleep. The entire time I was tossing and turning and trying to fall back asleep all I could smell was the other half of my sub that I had set aside. It drove me nuts and sure enough I gave in and ate the rest of it and boy was it ever tasty.
I then started to write this and that is roughly my past twenty-four hours.
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