Saturday, October 30, 2010

The Past Is Strapped To Our Backs

We do not have to see it; we can always feel it. (Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960)


For a few months now I have been in a place in my life where I stopped looking back in my life, stopped trying to figure out where my life had gone wrong to lead me to what I had become. Then one day all that just vanished. I cannot possibly describe what happened in my head but for the first time in my life I started feeling like I was moving forward instead of just in circles. Needless to say it was quite the turning point in my life.

Last night though, I came into a situation where I was going to have to face a very emotional time in my life where I honestly was not sure if I wanted to go through with it or not. I met up with my ex-girlfriend. So what? No big deal right? Well lets put it into perspective a bit. After twenty years of living she was the first person who I actually allowed myself to get emotionally attached to, and I am not even attached to my family in anyway so that is a big deal. At least for me it is. She was my first girlfriend, and my first true love. It was as though we were one to the depths of who we were. Life, however; decided to take us on down different paths. For the longest time I held a lot of grievances towards her because I was at the lowest point in my life when I really needed somebody and she was not there. I realize that due to circumstances that we were in that it was completely understandable but whenever the topic of how I was came up it just seemed to just be dismissed for what was going on in her life. I felt betrayed.

So when that magical day came where everything I was holding onto from the past just disappeared, the grudge that I was holding against her disappeared too. I know that a lot of what I held onto is probably still inside me somewhere, just buried deeper so that I do not have to deal with it, but when the opportunity to meet up with her again after several years I was afraid. I did not want to have to deal with any or all of the past emotions that I have had for her, whether it was good or bad, again. I did end up taking the chance and not letting that opportunity pass me by, she was a big part of me or rather still is a big part of who I have become. Confronting the past is not always as a terrible idea. Thankfully no latent emotions welled up inside and I was able to catch up with a very good friend, who once again life is taking another part of the world.

Weeraba.

Monday, October 25, 2010

I Find It So Easy To Get Distracted

I try not to do more than one thing at any one time. (Elliot Gould)


I really do not like when I am trying so valiantly to work on something but can only keep my focus on it for only a few moments at a time. What is it with my mind to get some easily distracted and side-tracked that I cannot get what I want done without some sort of urgent pressure to force me to stick with it? It is not because I am bored with it, or that I find it uninteresting in any way I just cannot seem to concentrate. Something else will come into my mind and unless I deal with that thought to some sense of resolvent. For instance, the creation of this post is due to the fact that while I was trying to prep for my midterm that I have on Friday, the thought that I would be more comfortable reviewing my textbook and making notes while laying in bed. Though for that I would need better lighting. Then I came up with the idea of moving my desk lamp over to the stand beside my bed, which would then cause me to have to move my fan so that I could plug in the light. Forcing me to have to find a new place for my to plug my fan in which would mean I would have to move it somewhere else and I do not want to do that. The only other option I have available to me is to find an extension cord so that I can keep it where it is and have it plugged into a different outlet. Doing all that would cause me to waste time from my work just so I could be more comfortable and chances are cause me to fall asleep more quickly then if I were to stay at my desk.

Instead of all that, I decided to write this blog post distracting myself from the distraction that originally distracted me from my work.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

I Don't Want Chippendales!

I want strippers! Full on, full frontal, male strippers. Preferably at a place that serves bottomless margaritas. (Julie Cooper-Nichol, The O.C.)


Please disregard any and all of the grammatical and spelling errors in the following MSN conversation as I was currently in the middle of class while it had occurred and therefore a tad bit distracted.

18/10/2010

6:24:31 PM Not Me

>>baggage is on soon

6:25:09 PM Me

>>are you excited for it?

6:25:25 PM Not Me

>>very

6:25:25 PM Not Me

>>then at 730

6:25:38 PM Not Me

>>occupation double!

6:27:36 PM Me

>>occupation double?

6:28:03 PM Not Me

>>yeah

6:28:05 PM Not Me

>>its a french tv show i watch

6:28:19 PM Not Me

>>its a reality show

6:28:19 PM Not Me

>>one of my strippers is on it

6:28:39 PM Me

>>you have strippers?

6:29:31 PM Not Me

>>from my thesis

6:30:04 PM Me

>>I don't know what your thesis was about

6:30:35 PM Not Me

>>male strippers

6:30:55 PM Not Me

>>i never told you about my master's thesis?

6:30:55 PM Not Me

>>did i not talk to you for those 2 years?

6:31:45 PM Me

>>if you did it probably only consisted of questioning me about when I was going to come visit you.

6:31:57 PM Not Me

>>oh

6:32:07 PM Not Me

>>well

6:32:07 PM Not Me

>>i wrote my thesis on male strippers

6:32:26 PM Not Me

>>30 hours of observing male strippers, and 8 interviews with male strippers

6:32:55 PM Not Me

>>it involved a lot of penis

6:33:25 PM Me

>>and what was your thesis statement?

6:34:43 PM Not Me

>>my thesis was exploratory in nature...

6:35:16 PM Me

>>ok

6:35:36 PM Not Me

>>that means i didn't have a thesis statement

6:35:52 PM Me

>>I got that

6:36:08 PM Not Me

>>This study is an exploratory research guided by three very broad and open questions: 1. What are the labour processes and practices including interaction) in a heterosexual male erotic dance establishment? 2. How do workers experience, negotiate and manage the work, work site and identity? 3. How is gender implicated in the aforementioned processes and practices?

6:36:52 PM Not Me

>>This memoir uses two theories that have their genesis in symbolic interactionism; ‘doing gender’ and ‘hegemonic masculinity’ in order to explore gender roles and intimate behaviour in a heterosexual male erotic dance establishment in Eastern Canada. Using participant observation and semi-structured interviews with eight male erotic dancers I explore the labour process, construction of intimacy

6:37:12 PM Not Me

>>and the way dancers ‘do’ gender within the establishment in addition to examining the dancers’ experience with stigmatization.

6:37:12 PM Not Me

>>there

6:37:12 PM Not Me

>>thats from my abstract

6:37:22 PM Me

>>alright, cool

6:37:44 PM Not Me

>>meh

6:37:57 PM Not Me

>>i basically justified my funding money into going to pay for me and my friends to drink alcohol and pay men to take their clothes off for me

6:38:24 PM Me

>>nicely done

6:38:46 PM Not Me

>>it was good times

6:38:59 PM Not Me

>>anyways

6:39:01 PM Me

>>I'm sure it was

6:39:02 PM Not Me

>>one of the strippers is on a quebec reality show

6:39:07 PM Me

>>cool

6:39:17 PM Not Me

>>so i watch that

6:39:19 PM Me

>>did you hook up with any of them?

6:39:55 PM Not Me

>>i did no such thing

6:40:11 PM Not Me

>>that would have been a conflict of interest

6:40:35 PM Me

>>doesnt mean you had to cover your hook up in your thesis

6:40:47 PM Not Me

>>it still would have been a conflict of interest

6:41:13 PM Not Me

>>that'd be like if i hooked up with a criminal in our system

6:42:24 PM Me

>>haha so that doesn't mean you couldn't have done it

6:42:39 PM Not Me

>>yes it does

6:42:39 PM Not Me

>>it'd be a conflict of interest

6:44:08 PM Me

>>it might be a conflict of interest but for people who don't hold themselves morally accountable they could do such a thing regardless of whether there's a conflict or not

6:45:20 PM Not Me

>>it would have risked my thesis and consequently my degree and career

6:45:20 PM Not Me

>>not to mention my dignity

6:47:37 PM Me

>>if you got caught

6:47:37 PM Not Me

>>and my integrity as an academic/professional

6:48:23 PM Not Me

>>right but if i did things just because i didn't think i'd get caught then i would have killed you long ago

6:49:18 PM Me

>>well yes I realize that which would have been fine with me

6:49:41 PM Not Me

>>but then you'd be dead

6:50:42 PM Me

>>yes well if you don't remember I was quite emo at one point and death wouldn't have bothered me besides the fact that when you're dead you're dead and couldn't be bothered by it anyway

6:51:30 PM Not Me

>>well that depends on what happens after death

6:52:41 PM Me

>>yeah but there's no point in speculating what may or may not happen after a person dies because there's no way to be absolutely sure.

6:53:35 PM Not Me

>>right - and under that premise, you can't know that you wont be bothered by it when you're dead, because its just as possible that you can be

6:54:55 PM Me

>>Except considering the fact that I was hoping for death to come day after day while I was alive so having it come would have been what I wanted and if it is something that you want then why would it bother you after you get it?

6:56:46 PM Not Me

>>because if you don't know what death holds, then there's no way to know whether its something thats better or worse than what you were currently living...so its certainly feasible that you could find yourself in s situation that was worse than the one you were living thereby causing you to regret your decision/want for it

6:59:26 PM Me

>>there's no point in regretting something because it has already happened and therefore nothing you can do about it now, you just have to move farward regardless of the consequences of your previous actions

7:00:13 PM Me

>>*forward

7:02:34 PM Not Me

>>well then perhaps regret was the wrong word - you may not choose to regret it, but you will certainly be bothered by it

7:03:40 PM Not Me

>>if you're living constantly engulfed in flames, or being sodomized repeatedly by gigantic mules, you're certainly going to be bothered by death

7:06:12 PM Me

>>if I'm living in hell then technically I'm not dead I'm living in a new state of existance so I can't be bothered by death if I'm still alive in some sense

7:07:30 PM Not Me

>>yes you can, you're dead from life as we know it, whether or not you continue to exist in some alternate form of existence is inconsequential

7:10:58 PM Me

>>if I continue to exist in some alternate form then the current conception of death is wrong and therefore null.

7:12:37 PM Not Me

>>no its not, youre dead - you no longer exist in our world...whether or not my grandparents who have passed away are in heaven, or are reincarnated, or who know what else, doesnt negate the fact that they are dead in so far as they cease to exist in the world that they lived in in the capacity we once knew them in

7:17:19 PM Me

>>The definition of death is the end of life, not the end of existence in the world that they lived. To you they may be considered dead but that is all about perspective. If they are alive in some manner or another then to them or their spirits or whatever their new existence consists of then to themselves they are alive

7:21:28 PM Not Me

>>well, no, if you really want to get technical, death is defined as the cessation of the vital functions of the body, so whether or not a spirit continues to live is inconsequential....but death in the connotative sense, is the cessation of life as we know it

7:24:47 PM Me

>>Only because we don't know what happens after we physically die but once we physically die then the definition of death will change with our current state of being. If we are alive in some form then the individual will not see themselves as being dead but in an altered stated of existence

7:26:27 PM Not Me

>>but as you stated, its impossible for us to know

7:31:16 PM Me

>>exactly which makes everything we just said pointless to even mention. as far as we are concerned right now when we die we are dead there is no existence after and as far as that goes if you were to kill me I won't be bothered by it without going into any speculations about whether there is an afterlife or not.

7:31:54 PM Not Me

>>occupation double is on i can't argue anymore

7:33:00 PM Me

>>enjoy your show

7:49:45 PM Not Me

>>ahmagawd

7:49:45 PM Not Me

>>who are they gonna eliminate?!

7:52:02 PM Me

>>I do not know

7:55:30 PM Not Me

>>they cut kylia

7:59:34 PM Not Me

>>last night they cut alex

7:59:46 PM Not Me

>>so now its down to 4 guys and 6 girls

8:00:01 PM Not Me

>>i imagine theyre going to even out the numbers soon

8:00:13 PM Not Me

>>since its a couple who wins

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Existence

I personally do not believe in religion, or in higher beings but I do believe that they exist and yes I do realize how contradictory that that sounds. Keep in mind that the following are my opinions and my beliefs and not meant as any sort of attack on those of you that do believe. So, if you want to comment on them by all means do so but please keep it respectful.

The reason why I do not believe in a higher being stems from the theory that "God" did not create man, but man created "God." This was brought about by looking at all the different beliefs of either a single higher being or multiple ones and coming to a conclusion that the main purpose for a higher being is to explain the unknown. If you look at all the different mythologies such as the Greek, Roman, Egyptian, Norse, Mayan, etc...there are many gods each having a different purpose to help explain the naturally occurring things in the world. Example, Zeus and his lightning bolts. Over time the human races' understanding of the world has grown and obviously the need for the multiple higher beings is gone. The biggest unknowns in the world how did we come to be and what happens when we die. Which is the fundamental basis behind the single higher being faiths. So humankind came up with these beings to give explanation for what all happens in life and in the world giving me the conclusion that "God" did not create man, but man created "God."

While I was thinking about this, the old question about if a tree falls in forest and no one is around does it make a sound came into my head. The answer to this question is no, scientifically speaking when the tree falls and hits the ground it does not create sound but sends waves or vibrations through the air, ground and any other medium. It is only converted into sound when these vibrations are picked up by our ears, turned into an electrical signal and then interpreted in our minds to what we know of as sound. Therefore, unless there is somebody around sound cannot exist. What this has to do with whether or not higher being exists is this...sound only exists because it is the creation of our minds, which is not unlike people's beliefs in a higher being. Higher beings were originally a creation of the mind to explain the unexplainable, and it is the fact that as long as there are people who believe in them they will exist, just like if there is somebody around to hear it sound exists. Just like if there is nobody around to hear the sound then it cannot exist and if nobody believed in a higher being they would not exist either.

Even though because of my beliefs tell me that they do not exist, I have to acknowledge the fact that they do exist because of all the people in the world who believe in them.

"Religion is an insult to human dignity. With or without it, you'd have good people doing good things and evil people doing bad things, but for good people to do bad things, it takes religion."
(Steven Weinberg)

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Challenge ACCEPTED!

(Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother)


S
o approximately twenty-four hours ago I had, oddly enough, a faithful reader make a suggestion of what I should do for my blog and well though great as that suggestion was I think I will expand it a little bit. I hope that is alright with you my only faithful reader.

So my day started off at about 9:00am in the morning when my alarm went off and I got up out of bed to go pee. It was a good pee. The first one in the morning is always very relieving. After which I decided to crawl back into bed since I am still having troubles falling asleep, not too long after I fell back asleep the doorbell rang. Of course I decided to ignore it because I wanted nothing to do with who was on the other. Last week the rental agency for the townhouse sent over some people to do a checkup on the furnace and they came to the conclusion that it needed to be replaced. Which who was on the other side of the door this morning. So my roommate took care of it and let them inside. Though, when I finally got my butt out of bed there was nobody here. Not my roommate, not my roommate's dog and not one of the people who were going to look at the furnace. I thought it was odd but alas I did not complain.

Anyway, I started to get ready for my class and I have to say I looked good before I left. Oh yes, I was a hottie today. I know you probably do not believe me but everybody has their good days and I had one today. I digress, on my way out the door I decided that I wanted to walk to the o-train station instead of take the bus. Yay for exercise! On my walk towards the station I started thinking about the time a few weeks ago when I saw a young woman walking their child who was attached with a leash. It was one of those leashes that attached around the torso and not the neck so it was not as cruel or comically amusing as it could have been. Sadly did not see that again today. Would have been awesome though. So as I continued my walk, nothing eventful happened at all. I listened to my iPod, passed some people on the sidewalk, almost get run over by a car, same ole, same ole. I get to the o-train station the train is there but pulls away before I actually got to it, I did not mind at all. I sat down on a bench and waited until the next train came. I got on it, sat down and took the wonderful six minute ride to the campus.

Campus, it is a wonderful place. Full of life and people, books and learning, and a couple of chicks walking up the stairs ahead of me talking about how they hoped if he was going to be able to pull out in time. Oh if only I could have heard more of that conversation, I bet it was absolutely delight...wait for it...ful! Delightful! Sorry, How I Met Your Mother is a great show. My class today was the dreaded algebra, but it is not so dreadful. My teacher is actually not bad, I mean for one you can actually understand what he is saying despite his accent. In all honesty though, I do not really pay attention to what he says. I copy down what he writes on the blackboard and when he breaks off writing to go over about what it is he writes about I play sudoku on my blackberry. On the genius difficulty. That is just how I role. Semi-colon end parenthesis.

Class was class, boring, dull and I kicked ass at sudoku like always. It was the only class I had today so after which I gathered my belongings and headed back to the o-train. Hoped on, and because it was that time of the day it was packed as usual during the rush hour. Quite comfortable when you're squished up against the side, luckily it is a very short ride so no harm done. After the train ride, I decided to walk home and on the way I stopped in at Walmart and picked up myself two big mac meals, super-sized of course. I am a fatty fatty two by four.

After getting home, I devoured my dinner while starting to watching old episodes of not How I Met Your Mother, because I am all caught up with those. I have switched from that to Two and a Half Men, which in my opinion is another good show. I have managed to get through all of season one of that show and am currently onto season two out of eight season. I have quite a ways to go, I am however, confident that I will be able to prevail in my quest to watch hours upon hours of the senseless comedy of Charlie Sheen.

And ladies and gentlemen that was my day today. Not glamorous, not exciting, and not worthy of writing a blog post about but it was done anyway. How does it feel to have wasted your time reading it? I am going to guess not too good, not too good at all.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

All Television Is Educational Television.

The question is: what is it teaching? (Nicholas Johnson)


As of late I have been spending quite a bit of my time catching up on different television shows. Starting at the beginning of their creation until either their very last episode for the ones that have been canceled or up to the latest episode for the ones that are lucky enough to still be on the air. And as always, it has got me to thinking...


Television shows tend to have different themes for each episode while at the same time sticking towards the main goal of where the show is headed in its entirety. At the moment I have been catching up on two different shows: How I Met Your Mother and Ghost Hunters.

While watching Ghost Hunters it started me thinking about my views on what I believe happens when we died, which in turn got me to re-evaluate my thoughts and beliefs on religion. So, I started writing. I had full intention of making it a very lengthy post on here but it really did not seem that this blog would be fitting enough, which is when I came up with the idea that I should just create my own website. A place for me to share my philosophical views and in time hopefully a place where others would do the same. As for now, it is currently in the planning stages and in all honesty will probably never happen. That, however, brings me to my next point.

How I Met Your Mother is a fantastic show that for me tries to teach a person that no matter what situation you are in or what happens you should always strive for what you want most out of life. For a very long time I have always been thinking about a multitude of different things from religion, the after life, the universe, the unknown. I am nothing more than a modern day philosopher that seems out of place for that sort of thinking. I would have much rather been back in ancient Greece with the likes of Sophocles, Aristotle or Plato to name a few. At the same time with the technology that is present today and the possible reach it has to span out across the globe why not put it to use? Maybe I really should go ahead with that website and see where that road leads.