...is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes ... and the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility. (Eleanor Roosevelt)
During my time on this planet, my solution for dealing with everything was to keep it bottled up inside and after twenty some years it eventually caught up to kick me in the ass. Nowadays I try to make sure that I deal with everything and not keep it inside, or at least not keep it inside for too long. All summer long I was getting slightly more and more annoyed with certain people on my volleyball team so much so that when the opportunity presented itself a week ago I took it and spoke up for my chance to let that frustration out.
Of course whenever somebody speaks their mind it usually does not end well for all those effected and this was no different. After having two people quit and one more injury themselves already during the season, I caused three more to quit and left the team with only three players (myself included). Not only did I ruin three people's desire to play the game, but I also dragged two people unfairly along with me for the ride.
A question that I have always got from people is "why don't you talk?" And this is one of the reasons why. Whenever I decide to not bite my tongue, everything just gets messed up and there is nobody to blame but myself.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
The Eyes.
It was New Years Eve way back in 1992 and I was eight years old at the time. My parents had been invited to a party, my sister had been asked to babysit, and the same had been done of my brother. At first my mom was hesitant to leave me home alone at night, which I was able to convince her that I would be quite capable of keeping the house in one piece. Besides, my sister was babysitting for the family next door, and my brother was babysitting for the family across the street.
It was a pretty uneventful night, where I went back and forth from playing games on my Nintendo and watching movies that my mom had rented for me and while I was watching one of the movies I had to pause it to go relieve myself. After coming back down from the bathroom, I had crawled under my blanket and hit play on the remote to enjoy my movie once more. When out of the corner of my eye I saw a head appear at the top of the living room window. It was only for a brief second because as soon as he peered in and saw me he quickly vanished from my sight, I could not see all his face however as he was wearing a ski mask. What I do remember quite clearly and vividly were his eyes. Pale blue eyes.
At first I thought I was seeing things, but not too long after it happened my brother called from across the street and asked me if I saw a guy peeking in the front window because he saw him from over there. Even after he said that I did not want to believe it for whatever reason and I denied that I had saw anything. I know that I did though and ever since that moment if I was alone downstairs I had to shut the blinds, or the curtains so I would not have to have those eyes peeping in on me again.
Being the bright kid that I was, and being able to remember those eyes I was actually able to figure out who it was exactly. Living in a small town there are only so many people who would have been tall enough to have their head be at the top of the window and only one of those tall people had that specific type of eyes. I never did mention it to anybody though, not until I just typed it right now.
It was a pretty uneventful night, where I went back and forth from playing games on my Nintendo and watching movies that my mom had rented for me and while I was watching one of the movies I had to pause it to go relieve myself. After coming back down from the bathroom, I had crawled under my blanket and hit play on the remote to enjoy my movie once more. When out of the corner of my eye I saw a head appear at the top of the living room window. It was only for a brief second because as soon as he peered in and saw me he quickly vanished from my sight, I could not see all his face however as he was wearing a ski mask. What I do remember quite clearly and vividly were his eyes. Pale blue eyes.
At first I thought I was seeing things, but not too long after it happened my brother called from across the street and asked me if I saw a guy peeking in the front window because he saw him from over there. Even after he said that I did not want to believe it for whatever reason and I denied that I had saw anything. I know that I did though and ever since that moment if I was alone downstairs I had to shut the blinds, or the curtains so I would not have to have those eyes peeping in on me again.
Being the bright kid that I was, and being able to remember those eyes I was actually able to figure out who it was exactly. Living in a small town there are only so many people who would have been tall enough to have their head be at the top of the window and only one of those tall people had that specific type of eyes. I never did mention it to anybody though, not until I just typed it right now.
Close The Door.
Write with no one looking over your shoulder. Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer. (Barbara Kingsolver)
Once again I must apologize for my lack of writing the past couple months. My birthday was last month and it is admittedly the worst time of the year for me; this year proved to be no better. It had put me into this unshakable melancholy state that is still lingering on even now. Then you can add in the feeling of being abandoned by some people on top of that, which made things seem worse then what they really were or still are I guess. Such is life though. More often then not though people are out for nothing more than their own selfishness, which you cannot really blame them for either. After all it is just part of human nature. Even I cannot deny that I have had my moments where I have only looked out for myself, while walking away from others.
Shame on them and shame on me as well.
Once again I must apologize for my lack of writing the past couple months. My birthday was last month and it is admittedly the worst time of the year for me; this year proved to be no better. It had put me into this unshakable melancholy state that is still lingering on even now. Then you can add in the feeling of being abandoned by some people on top of that, which made things seem worse then what they really were or still are I guess. Such is life though. More often then not though people are out for nothing more than their own selfishness, which you cannot really blame them for either. After all it is just part of human nature. Even I cannot deny that I have had my moments where I have only looked out for myself, while walking away from others.
Shame on them and shame on me as well.
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