It Is Better To Be Hated

...for who you are, than to be loved for someone you are not. (Andre Gide)



I hate people. Not anybody specific but in a general sense. As far as I am concerned, and have witnessed throughout my life people are selfish and self-serving. They are quick to judge without a second glance, always thinking they have you figured out when really they do not have a clue.

I am a quiet person, not always saying a lot in social situations, and certainly not opening up to others very easily. Being this sort of person I do not have a lot of friends, certainly not any close friends. My social life is non-existent aside from the fact that I play the occasional sport because I frankly do not have any one to do anything with and it is not any fun at all. Now whenever I do manage to something socially with people there is always somebody who brings up, or pokes fun, or asks the question about why I do not talk. Which is honestly the most annoying question in the entire world. Seriously.

I do realize that my lack of social life stems from the fact that I am not always the most vocal of people and the fact that people are the reason why I am the way that I am so it really is a bit of a catch twenty-two.

Most of my life has been spent alone, emotionally and physically. I started to get left home alone at a really early age, I never bonded with any of my family members and there was never the feeling of them being there for me if I ever needed them. Then within school, I was the outcast, I got picked on, teased, and made fun of constantly. The older I got the more it pushed me away from everybody. Inside school or sports I was nothing more than a shadow on the wall, or a ghost and outside of either it was like I did not exist. I really did not have any friends. There were times when I did try and fit in and be more social but I just always ended up feeling like I was tagging along or that I was not wanted. People literally did not notice when I was not around. I missed entire week of school once with the flu and not only did none of my classmates notice but none of my teachers did either. I apparently only missed one period the entire week.

Then there is the fact that the few people that I have actually let in, and opened up to do not even live anywhere near me or have just completely abandoned me to move on to whatever else in their lives. Because hey, who really has time to be a friend to me?

My lack of socialization and talking stem from the fact that I hate people because they are selfish, cruel and cannot be trusted. Everything in my life up until this moment has made me feel like I was and always will be destined to be alone and I cannot see that any other way. I am who I am and people just cannot seem to accept that so I do not need them. I do not need you.