I Should Be Packing And/Or Sleeping But Clearly I Am Not

I was creeping myself on facebook and came across this from three years ago and thought what the hell and here it is for 2011. Enjoy.

2011: In The Beginning

Where did you go on New Years?: I was up at the arena for a Stag and Doe.

Who were you with?: A hundred or so people, maybe more but either way it is far too many names to name even if I could remember them all.

Did you kiss anyone at midnight? I did not have anyone to kiss. :(

Did you make any resolutions?: Resolutions are a little pointless when you're as perfect as perfect can get.

2011: Your Love Life

Did you break up with anyone?: Nope, did not have anyone to break up with.

Did you meet anyone special?: Hmm... I met some cool people but nobody that really stands out.

Did you fall in love? I am loveless. 3

2011: Friends and Enemies

Did you meet any new friends this year? Like I said a couple questions ago I met some cool people, volleyball has been good like that.

Did any of your friendships end? Friendships no, teammates yes.

Did you dislike anyone?: Nah, disliking people is too much effort.

Did you make any new enemies?: LOL Oh boy did I ever!

Did you resolve any fights?: I cannot say that I played the part of a peacemaker.

Who was your closest friend?: Um, I am not sure.

Who did you grow apart from?: There was somebody for awhile but it did not last.

Did you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships? No, I have no regrets... not even when I made some of my volleyball team quit.

2011: All about you.

Did you dye your hair?: Nope but there is a bit of it starting to change colour or rather lose its colour. :(

Did you get your hair cut?: It has been a couple months since I have got it cut, might need it again soon.

Did you change your style?: Maybe if I had style to begin with.

Were you in school?: Yes I was.

Did you get good grades?: I got some decent grades, have not checked my latest ones yet though. I am a bad student like that.

Did you have a job?: Nothing official.

Did you drive?: Nope, lots of busing though.

Did you own a car?: I wish.

Did anyone close to you give birth?: I had cousin and his wife gave birth and some people from back home had some kids as well.

Did you move at all?: Not this year.

Did you go on any vacations?: I would not call coming back to Drayton as a vacation, or at least not a good one.

Did you leave the country at all?: That is still a no.

2011: Wrap Up.

Is 2011 a good year?: It was an alright year, could have been better and could have been worse but overall it was on the positive side.

Do you think 2012 will top 2011?: I hope so, at least until the world blows up at the end of the year. lol

I confess that in 2011 I...

(x) stayed single for the whole year

(x) made out in/on a car

( ) kissed in the snow

( ) celebrated Halloween

( ) kissed in the rain

( ) had your heart broken

( ) broke someone else's heart

( ) had a stalker

( ) mooned someone

( ) went over the minutes on your cell phone

( ) had a good relationship with someone

( ) someone questioned your sexual orientation

( ) came out of the closet

( ) gotten pregnant

( ) had an abortion

( ) done something you've regretted

( ) kissed under mistletoe

OTHER

( ) painted a picture

(x) wrote a poem

( ) ran a mile

( ) shopped at Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch

( ) posted a blog on MySpace

(x) listened to music you couldn't stand

( ) went to a sleepover

(x) laughed till you cried

( ) laughed till you peed in your pants

( ) visited a foreign country

(x) cut in a line of waiting people

(x) told someone you were busy when you weren't

(x) partied to celebrate the new year

In 2011 I...

[x] broke a promise

[ ] fallen out of love

[x] lied

[x] went behind your parents back

[ ] cried over a broken heart

[x] disappointed someone close

[x] hid a secret

[x] pretended to be happy

[ ] kissed in the rain

[ ] slept under the stars

[ ] kept your new years resolution

[ ] forgot your new years resolution

[x] met someone who changed your life

[ ] met one of your idols

[ ] changed your outlook on life

[x] sat home all day doing nothing

[x] pretended to be sick

[ ] left the country

[ ] almost died

[ ] given up something important to you

[ ] lost something expensive

[x] learned something new about yourself

[ ] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it

[x] made a change in your life

[ ] found out who your true friends were

[x] met great people

[x] stayed up til sunrise

[ ] cried over the silliest thing

[ ] was never home on weekends

[ ] got into a car accident

[x] had friends who were drifting away from you

[ ] had someone close to you die

[ ] had a high cell phone bill

[ ] spent most of your money on food

[ ] had a fist fight

[ ] went to the beach with your best friend

[ ] saw a celebrity

[x] gotten sick

[ ] liked more than 5 people at the same time

With 2011 at an end, do this and BE HONEST

1. Have you had any relationships this year?

I have not had any relationships this year.

2. Have you had your birthday yet?

Yes, and I had a baseball game in which I actually won the game for us. Then I had the weather ruin the rest of my plans for the day. Damn you mother nature.

3. Kissed two people in the same night?

Nope, though new years is on Saturday so you never know what might happen.

4. Pulled an all nighter?

Multiple ones... stupid procrastination.

5. Puked at all?

Pretty sure I started the year off puking.

7. Went Camping?

No camping for me this year.

8. Bought something(s)?

Nothing worth mentioning except for maybe Skyrim because it is Skyrim.

9. Met someone special?

Nope, nobody special in my life.

10. Been out of the country?

No I have not.

12. What are you thinking about?

I am thinking that I should really start packing, also I am hungry and wondering what I could snack on.

NAUGHTY

1. Have you drank alcohol this year?

Obviously but not a whole lot and a hell of a lot less than the year before.

2. Have you been kicked out of a store this year?

I wish, that would be fun.

3. Have you shoplifted this year?

Nah, I'm a good little boy.

4. This year have you gotten a detention?

Do they give detention in university?

5. Have you cheated on a test this year?

I wish I would have been able to cheat on some of my exams but no, I have not.

6. What was the worst feeling you last felt?

I got a bit of a case of the blues around my birthday.

7. Are you in a good mood right now?

I am hungry and indifferent with a touch of sleepiness.

8. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone for over an hour?

Actual voice communication on a phone is not quite my thing so nobody.

9. What made you cry today?

I was watching some comedy roasts and teared up from laughter a couple times.

10.Has a boy/girl ever called you babe/baby?

Probably but I could not say for sure.

11.What are you doing Tuesday?

Today was Tuesday and I did not do anything worth mentioning.

12.Will your next kiss be a mistake?

New Years is coming up so there is a chance that if there is a kiss it could be a mistake, it all depends on how drunk I am.

13.Have you ever kissed on a boat?

I am not even sure the last time I was on a boat.

14.Do you mind being cold?

Nope, I am Canadian I can handle the cold.

15.Do you trust all your friends?

No, not really. I do not trust anyone completely.

16.Are you afraid of falling in love?

I am not afraid to fall in love.

17.Have you held hands with anybody in the past week?

Actually yes, yes I have held hands with somebody in the past week.

18.Biggest annoyance in your life right now?

Possibly a snow storm if it ruins my travel plans later today, otherwise I got nothing.

19.Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize?

In my life, no. Just this year, yes.

Only Two Things Are Infinite

the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. (Albert Einstein)


On one of the few occasions I was able to grace my volleyball team with my company for drinks after a game the discussion between a few of them, two of which were teachers, turned to how about how the reality of life is that you cannot really be anything that you want to be in life. Now as per my usual self in social situations I did not add anything to conversation but the idea of that has been in my head and now wants to be let out.

Everybody always complains about how they hate stupid people or how the world would be a better place if we got rid of all them. Whether it has to do with their actual lack of intelligence or through a person's ridiculous actions, all of that complain is for naught. The truth of the matter is that society needs dumb people. When I use the term "dumb people" I mean those people who did not excel throughout their academic careers and that is not to say that they do not possess any intelligence or are not knowledgeable people in certain areas. There are just some individuals who were not able to achieve their maximum potential in school and those are the people I refer to by that term. Therein lies the problem with the educational system. It is just not designed to turn every student into intellectual superstars. From my experience in school it is more akin to a production line then anything else. Students get pushed ahead in classes and grades even when they do not fully understand the concepts and that lack of comprehension continues to pile up until they eventually either fail or in extreme causes flunk out completely. Something like that can start off in the lower grades without much notice and then when a person gets into the upper grades it can hit like a bag of bricks. Even more so when you take into account how in the upper grades you have the bulk of your final mark dependent on a midterm and/or an exam, especially in post-secondary education. This just leads to students to cram as much as they can right before the test and cramming is not an optimal way to study. The level of retention after that is minimal at best. The unfortunate truth about it all is that it is not a bad thing to have people not be able to reach their scholarly potential.

For a moment imagine a world full of doctors, and lawyers, and scientists, and other high level of intellect professions. Now is that world full of garbage? Doubtful, but it probably would be. The whole division within people who excel in school and those who do not is that you get a wider spread of future citizens to fill in holes in the fabric of society. Whether those holes are for the more prestigious professions or the ones deemed to be at the bottom of the barrel they need to be filled and because of that is why schools do not provide an optimal learning service and why we need dumb people.

It Is The Most Magical Time Of The Year

This past semester at school it has been nothing but math and unless you are a die hard math geek it just fries your brain. I was hoping that when Christmas vacation came along I would be able to unwind from all of that and get back into something that was a little more creative but after a few days of being back home I just have not been inclined to write anything. With any luck inspiration will strike soon.

It Is Better To Be Hated

...for who you are, than to be loved for someone you are not. (Andre Gide)



I hate people. Not anybody specific but in a general sense. As far as I am concerned, and have witnessed throughout my life people are selfish and self-serving. They are quick to judge without a second glance, always thinking they have you figured out when really they do not have a clue.

I am a quiet person, not always saying a lot in social situations, and certainly not opening up to others very easily. Being this sort of person I do not have a lot of friends, certainly not any close friends. My social life is non-existent aside from the fact that I play the occasional sport because I frankly do not have any one to do anything with and it is not any fun at all. Now whenever I do manage to something socially with people there is always somebody who brings up, or pokes fun, or asks the question about why I do not talk. Which is honestly the most annoying question in the entire world. Seriously.

I do realize that my lack of social life stems from the fact that I am not always the most vocal of people and the fact that people are the reason why I am the way that I am so it really is a bit of a catch twenty-two.

Most of my life has been spent alone, emotionally and physically. I started to get left home alone at a really early age, I never bonded with any of my family members and there was never the feeling of them being there for me if I ever needed them. Then within school, I was the outcast, I got picked on, teased, and made fun of constantly. The older I got the more it pushed me away from everybody. Inside school or sports I was nothing more than a shadow on the wall, or a ghost and outside of either it was like I did not exist. I really did not have any friends. There were times when I did try and fit in and be more social but I just always ended up feeling like I was tagging along or that I was not wanted. People literally did not notice when I was not around. I missed entire week of school once with the flu and not only did none of my classmates notice but none of my teachers did either. I apparently only missed one period the entire week.

Then there is the fact that the few people that I have actually let in, and opened up to do not even live anywhere near me or have just completely abandoned me to move on to whatever else in their lives. Because hey, who really has time to be a friend to me?

My lack of socialization and talking stem from the fact that I hate people because they are selfish, cruel and cannot be trusted. Everything in my life up until this moment has made me feel like I was and always will be destined to be alone and I cannot see that any other way. I am who I am and people just cannot seem to accept that so I do not need them. I do not need you.

One's Philosophy

...is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes ... and the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility. (Eleanor Roosevelt)


During my time on this planet, my solution for dealing with everything was to keep it bottled up inside and after twenty some years it eventually caught up to kick me in the ass. Nowadays I try to make sure that I deal with everything and not keep it inside, or at least not keep it inside for too long. All summer long I was getting slightly more and more annoyed with certain people on my volleyball team so much so that when the opportunity presented itself a week ago I took it and spoke up for my chance to let that frustration out.

Of course whenever somebody speaks their mind it usually does not end well for all those effected and this was no different. After having two people quit and one more injury themselves already during the season, I caused three more to quit and left the team with only three players (myself included). Not only did I ruin three people's desire to play the game, but I also dragged two people unfairly along with me for the ride.

A question that I have always got from people is "why don't you talk?" And this is one of the reasons why. Whenever I decide to not bite my tongue, everything just gets messed up and there is nobody to blame but myself.

The Eyes.

It was New Years Eve way back in 1992 and I was eight years old at the time. My parents had been invited to a party, my sister had been asked to babysit, and the same had been done of my brother. At first my mom was hesitant to leave me home alone at night, which I was able to convince her that I would be quite capable of keeping the house in one piece. Besides, my sister was babysitting for the family next door, and my brother was babysitting for the family across the street.

It was a pretty uneventful night, where I went back and forth from playing games on my Nintendo and watching movies that my mom had rented for me and while I was watching one of the movies I had to pause it to go relieve myself. After coming back down from the bathroom, I had crawled under my blanket and hit play on the remote to enjoy my movie once more. When out of the corner of my eye I saw a head appear at the top of the living room window. It was only for a brief second because as soon as he peered in and saw me he quickly vanished from my sight, I could not see all his face however as he was wearing a ski mask. What I do remember quite clearly and vividly were his eyes. Pale blue eyes.

At first I thought I was seeing things, but not too long after it happened my brother called from across the street and asked me if I saw a guy peeking in the front window because he saw him from over there. Even after he said that I did not want to believe it for whatever reason and I denied that I had saw anything. I know that I did though and ever since that moment if I was alone downstairs I had to shut the blinds, or the curtains so I would not have to have those eyes peeping in on me again.

Being the bright kid that I was, and being able to remember those eyes I was actually able to figure out who it was exactly. Living in a small town there are only so many people who would have been tall enough to have their head be at the top of the window and only one of those tall people had that specific type of eyes. I never did mention it to anybody though, not until I just typed it right now.

Close The Door.

Write with no one looking over your shoulder. Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer. (Barbara Kingsolver)



Once again I must apologize for my lack of writing the past couple months. My birthday was last month and it is admittedly the worst time of the year for me; this year proved to be no better. It had put me into this unshakable melancholy state that is still lingering on even now. Then you can add in the feeling of being abandoned by some people on top of that, which made things seem worse then what they really were or still are I guess. Such is life though. More often then not though people are out for nothing more than their own selfishness, which you cannot really blame them for either. After all it is just part of human nature. Even I cannot deny that I have had my moments where I have only looked out for myself, while walking away from others.

Shame on them and shame on me as well.